Antiquated Vestigial

Lee Foosball Peed on My Rug

2009-05-30T04:15:00.009-04:00

But Lee Foosball didn’t JUST pee on my rug. This kid DOMINATED it with his urine, as well as a few couch cushions. Now it’s not like this rug really tied the room together or anything. In fact the rug isn’t even mine, it’s an old roommates. But the sheer amount of liquid left in my living room was astonishing. You would need a Super Soaker for this kinda job.

And not the cheap ass knockoffs the poor kids in town had. You know, the kind that never worked and leaked more water on their poor ass little hands than they got on anyone else. You would need a top of the line bazooka soaker. The kind that comes with a strap because it’s too big for your little body. It comes with four different nozzle settings and a fuggin backpack attatchment. The kind of watergun you only got if your parents really loved you.

Anyways, at least I got a few beers out of the ordeal, but let’s go back.

I met Lee Foosball at a party over a year ago. All my friends were passed out by 2am from an early start, but I wasn’t ready to quit just yet.

[Sidebar: Early start = 11am. This is opposed to my start at 11pm.]

Now normally I would have left when I realized all the females had evacuated the premises and my friends were incapacitated. But on this night I was determined to finish off the rest of a twelve pack people were supposed to help me with. This left me to hang out with their neighbor Lee for the rest of the night in a condition hardly capable of rational thought. The next day I had blurry memories of arguing about who was better at foosball with a guy I probably wouldn’t be able to recognize, confirmed by my recent call list featuring Lee Foosball, my newest entry.

Skip forward to present day. The plan was to hit the bars with Markley when out of nowhere I get a call from Lee Foosball. I was very surprised I still had his number, and it was Markley on the line telling me which bar to hit up. After meeting Lee Foosball for what I assumed was the second time he tells a vaguely familiar story of seeing me out and exchanging numbers again, and the fact that in his phone I am Jerry Foosball. After a year in the making epic night of foosball and drinking the three of us left our group and walked back to my house. Convenient since I live only a few minutes from the campus bars, especially since it was raining.

At this point Markley is too drunk to make decisions, but needs to be up and on his way to work at 7:30 in the morning. Despite wanting to walk home it is pouring rain at this point so they decide to crash in the living room. For some peculiar reason I find Lee setting up to sleep on the floor. I try to convince him we have two couches but he insists. Too drunk to care at this point, I figure if he wants to sleep on the dirty floor that bad then who was I to stand in his way.

Waking up a few hours later to make sure Markley will get to work on time I open my door to find Lee sprawled out on my floor in his underwear with his pants around his ankles lying on a body sized backing cushion and a seat cushion. Confused, I slowly close my door and go back to bed. The last thing I wanted to see at that point was a half naked grown man dryhump in his sleep. The next time I wake up Lee and Markley are gone, but the cushions on the floor look a little bit darker. My sleuthing skills quickly confirm that it is definitely piss, but the sheer amount of it was unholy.

This was no ordinary piss. It seemed inhuman that this amount of liquid be expunged from just one person. The rug itself should have been more than enough, but to soak through two giant cushions as well? I swear the kid must have pissed himself multiple times throughout the night.

Txt to Markley: Im pretty sure Lee wet himself last night

Markley: hahahaha ha I know! u goin 2 pennies?

Txt from Lee Foosball two days later at 5:46am: Sry bout floor gdttin all pissed up, but thtas why I dint want to slep on the couch and that jazz

According to Markley this guy is a known Whiz Kid. I’ve known a few people like this in fact. When they drink too much anything and everything can become a toilet, and their inebriated consciousness often makes the most bizarre choices on how to take care of this bodily function. No harm done since it wasn’t my couch or rug, and I will be moving out soon. Plus Lee Foosball bought my beers pretty much all night last time we were out. Certainly not the strangest case I know of someone completely shitfaced not knowing how to use a bathroom, but it sure was an interesting second impression of Lee Foosball.

The Bird and the Bee

2009-01-27T03:12:00.003-05:00

The Bird and the Bee have a new CD being released today! Here is a small sample of their talent. The video was directed by Eric Wareheim from Adult Swims Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job. This explains the oddly hilarious nature of the video.

Inara George’s vocals bring something fresh and unique to the electronic pop scene. I find her solo work also extremely interesting.

Sidebar: As a music major I am tired of people incessantly trying to recommend their favorite bands. Certain songs or artists strike people a certain way, and this just happens to be exactly what I wanted right now. So I’ll skip the pitch and hyped up description of their music and let you figure it out for yourself. Check ‘em out if you're interested.

The Bird and the Bee

Inara George (Recommend ‘Fools Work’ ‘Turn On/Off’)

Alman – Robert Johnson

2009-01-05T15:41:00.001-05:00

Here’s a short clip of me practicing the piece Alman by Robert Johnson in the spring of ’06 for an upcoming recital.

Not great, mostly just adequate. The best part was finishing classical guitar study and not having to take lessons or perform recitals anymore. To be a music major at Ball State you need to have a primary instrument. They don’t offer electric guitar or even jazz guitar so classical is the only option.

I have a lot of respect for the classical guitar as an instrument, and even more for those who dedicate themselves to the discipline. It is one of the most naked instruments in my opinion, and demands a high level of proficiency. The attention to detail regarding technique in every day practice is often extremely subtle, and it really takes a great teacher to learn how to properly play the instrument.

Classical guitar study was more a means to a degree in audio engineering, curiously combined with the school of music. I was never passionate about classical guitar or the literature. There was never much dedication to practice and put the amount of time it takes to truly perform the instrument. I did however do well enough to pass my guitar jury and achieve junior standing.

What I did take away from classical study was a deeper understanding of how to practice an instrument. With a greater understanding of the attention to detail regarding technique I am poised to apply what I learned to electric guitar technique, which is actually completely different. Fortunately the musical study of the instrument is the same so all the scales, arpeggios, and chords I spent hours learning still apply!

Guitar and Music Theory Lessons

2009-01-02T16:09:00.001-05:00

There have been a few requests from family, friends, and students to post guitar lessons on this blog and on YouTube. I teach guitar lessons at Ball State, but also have friends and cousins that are trying to learn as well. My credentials are that I have been playing guitar for about a decade now, and guitar was my primary instrument in the Ball State school of music. I am also the Ball State music theory tutor at the Learning Center.

In the future I will be posting basic guitar lessons for the beginner and build up from there. Hopefully this will turn into a handy reference for future students as well as anyone who runs across it via the interwebs.

Teaching guitar is very unique to the individual. Whereas some just want to learn how to play chords and read TABS to cover songs, others want to learn about music to be able to improv solos and write their own material. These lesson posts will most likely represent a retrospective philosophy on the proper way to learn guitar.

I was self-taught throughout high school and would often fall into ruts or hit roadblocks in my development. As a teacher I see many hitting the same walls I did. The most common problem I see is people learning to play the guitar based on shapes, patterns, and labels. Although I got quite far this way, it is eventually a dead end for many. What is often lacking is knowledge of the basic theory behind the shapes and patterns. This blog will be mindful to teach basic music theory and apply it to the guitar as well as justify why it is important to know and how to use it.

Keep in mind these lessons won’t include the very basics of the guitar, and it will be assumed that the beginner has at least some knowledge. Things like tuning the guitar or a description of the parts won’t be found here, but there are many books and websites explaining these things. Proper technique will also be glossed over since the topic and issues are different for everyone. Private lessons in this case are always more beneficial and comprehensive. But if you want to learn more about music and how it relates to playing the guitar then this is the place for you.

Check back for more posts coming in ’09, or check out the music label in the labels section for a full list in the future.

Disarming Anger

2008-11-14T01:56:00.002-05:00

I hope you enjoy my Ball State iCOM 375 video project. iCOM 375 is a digital storytelling class where we are developing a class website on a theme our teacher selected. The theme is healthy communication, and covers nine areas of communication. My topic was Disarming Anger. I first had to write a script, and then direct/edit the video. Here is our rough draft:

Since it was just myself and my partner Kevin doing this late the night before we thought it was due the video did not turn out so well. It had been a few years since I took the video design class, and Kevin had just started it. Our lighting looked like Ray Charles was in charge of it, and our video is riddled with continuity errors. I tried to white balance and color correct some of the darker scenes, but there wasn’t a whole lot that could be done about the other continuity errors. Did you notice them all?

This was our re-shoot to fix the continuity problems. Also, the video was only supposed to be two minutes so we had to cut it down quite a bit, but overall it’s the same. Same scene, same setting, same terrible acting! Enjoy!

This was our original correct version on how to disarm anger. We split up editing the videos and Kevin did a good job on this one.

Interestingly, the teacher seemed to be very fond of the ending, and all the cursing! She literally circled the word douchefag in the original script twice and wrote ‘good!’ with a smiley face next to it. My main inspiration was It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia which is my favorite show, as well as Arrested Development, my other favorite show. I felt like we did the best we could while staying within the parameters of the topic and the course. If you enjoyed this, stay tuned for our next video: Conversation Skills…

Updates

2008-09-19T14:09:00.002-04:00

So, it’s Friday afternoon, and I have a nice weekend to look forward to. Since I am done for the day, I thought I might take this opportunity and do something I haven’t done for quite some time.

Two months ago I was living back home for the summer and working for the parents. I got plenty of quality family time as well as rest and relaxation. I even got the chance to hang out with my best friends since high school often enough (accept you Luke). I came back to Ball State re-energized, well fed, and financially secure. The semester has been going very well so far with interesting courses, a nice schedule, and good people to spend my time with. All in all things are going very well.

Although I have neglected posting, the rants never cease. Instead of long drawn out attempts to be clever on silly topics, I’ll just briefly list a few that come to mind.

You are in college, it’s time to get a fucking adult bike. Maybe I’m getting old (23) compared to the newest crop of freshman (18), but you look ridiculous riding a tiny BMX bike around campus. I don’t care if you can jump onto curbs, you are an adult now, and you should start acting like it. I’m not saying give up your hobby. But do you really think mature college women (the few that exist anyway) are impressed by your prepubescent hobbies showcased as you do tricks on the way to class?...

Sarah Palin… really John McCain?... Really?!

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is back on the air with their newest season (4)! Also, season three was just released on DVD. The show is hilarious, and I strongly recommend it.

Now that I have commandeered my parent’s camcorder, a few friends of mine plan on doing some sketch comedy. It’s always been a dream of mine to write and act in sketches. My favorite shows as a kid were Monty Python, SNL, Upright Citizens Brigade, Mr. Show… and many more. Human Giant, The Post Show, and WickedAwesome are pretty funny as well, check them out on YouTube. I am in a digital storytelling class where we learn to do a lot of things, but recently I got the script writing software Celtx. We had to use it to write a script for class, and I’ve been writing a lot of sketches on the side, so hopefully you’ll see some posting on YouTube once we get the right actors, props, time…

I mean seriously… Sarah Palin?!

An old friend since first grade is getting married to another old friend since middle school. This is the first wedding I will be attending where the people getting married are my age, and that’s pretty weird. I will most likely not even be able to find a date for this wedding, showing how far behind the curve I must be.

This is the first semester I am without cable TV. I am a sloth when it comes to watching TV, I will put things off and just veg all day. Since the change my productivity has gone through the roof. I was so bored I couldn’t wait to get homework. I also became well acquainted with my DVD collection. I burned through all my favorite shows already. (Arrested Development is the best show ever… period) Other notables: The Critic, It’s Always Sunny 1+2, Upright Citizens Brigade, Seinfeld, Mystery Science Theater 3000. Unfortunately now that we sprung for high speed internet my productivity has dropped slightly, but I am completely up to date on anything that happens on the internet, always.

da Bears looked decent in their win against the Colts. The Colts did plenty to help that, but the Bears looked even better in their performance against the Panthers. Unfortunately they weren’t good enough. When they needed to put the game away the offense stumbled. I was so upset after the game I took a 4 hour angry nap. Greg Olsen better score 4 touchdowns for every fumble he gives up. At this rate he will need 120 touchdowns this year. Positives of the game were the dominant defense, and the offense sustaining long drives. It will be good to see the D line up against our old QB Griese whom I never cared for. Hopefully Forte will run it down the Bucs throat.

Sarah Fucking Palin! And what’s worse, is that Republicans seem to be excited about it. I am not a Republican or Democrat. I gave both candidates a fair shot after earning the nomination for my vote. But you would have to be a fucking idiot to vote for McCain based on how he has run his campaign. Now, if you wanna vote for him because you think he’s the best man for the job based on other criteria, then fine, whatever. But if you are voting for McCain based on his campaign, you should not be allowed to vote. He has repositioned himself on practically every issue imaginable, dating back to records and speeches from when he ran against G W Bush. Even since the beginning of the primaries he has pulled a 180 on so many things. I have seriously not seen a more hypocritical campaign ever in my lifetime. (Again, I am only 23) I don’t mind you attacking Obama for his experience, but don’t put some fucking creationist twit one heartbeat away from the most powerful job in the world.

I really wanted to finish and edit a post about the most harmful people to Christianity, all of whom claim to be devout Christians. Until then,

Ray Comfort is quite possibly the dumbest person on the planet, and the fucking marbles it takes to give lectures on the complicated debate between religion, evolution, and science while simultaneously not understanding anything about them is infuriating. When a person fundamentally misunderstands the concepts of argument, debate, and philosophy so profoundly, one must wonder if Jesus Christ himself would approve of Ray Comfort.

Fuck Windows Vista and the shitty Toshiba it rode in on. If only I understood sarcasm/irony and didn’t have such a profuse love for John Hodgman maybe I woulda bought a mac. (It was a gift actually, and it is a lot cheaper than a mac with mostly the same specs) I guess I’m just angry that a lot of my old software won’t work with my computer anymore. Gee, thanks Microsoft, I was really hoping to get a new computer that wouldn’t work with all the software I like to use.

It’s really too bad that David Foster Wallace committed suicide. He was brilliant.

I have the best mother in the world. My parents came to visit and brought so much food to stock me up on I almost ran out of places to store it. Not to mention all the drinks and other supplies.

Well, that’s it for now. I am going to prepare for a cookout tonight, followed by… coinciding with rather, heavy drinking. Don’t worry, I won’t be alone so that means I don’t have a problem!!!

Watching AVI Video

2008-07-15T17:34:00.001-04:00

I turned a friend of mine on to Bit Torrent recently, and he had trouble watching certain episodes he downloaded. Here is some common AVI and codec information as well as a few tools to help anyone get their AVI videos up and running.

Audio Video Interleave is a common multimedia format with the file extension .avi at the end of it. AVI files are most commonly used for videos. To play an AVI file a media player is needed. WMP (Windows Media Player) is the standard video software player for PCs. If WMP will not play the AVI resulting in an error message, or if the AVI only plays audio there is a problem with the codec. Codec is an abbreviation for Coder/Decoder. When AVI video files are compressed a codec is used. Basically, the same type of codec needs to be used to view the contents of the AVI file. There are many codecs to choose from, but here are a few easy ways to fix the problem.

VLC media player is an easy download, and in my experience solves most AVI viewing problems. VLC is both a media player as well as codec, and it is open source which is always preferable. If VLC does not work, it is possible to install codec packs. Codec packs include a vast number of codecs. Although I do not recommend this route, here is a popular codec pack: K-Lite 4.0.0

One more note is that it is possible to find out how a video was compressed in order to use the correct codec to view the video, but if you know how to do this, then it is assumed you would not need help on this issue. Enjoy your AVI’s!

Grape Stomp

2008-07-03T01:04:00.004-04:00

I received this video four or so years ago, and recently a friend reminded me of its hilarity via Facebook. Enjoy!

Grape Stomp – (aka Oink like a Piggy)

Classic! The agonizingly painful moans really set it apart. See what happens when you screw around? She should have taken her own advice and ‘stopped’. But she got greedy and wanted to stomp a few more grapes. Perhaps the best part about this was that the story was live, and this was most likely her big break. All of her friends and family were surely watching.

When will the grape stompers union realize that their platforms should only be slightly elevated, and come complete with handrails for fat people who cannot resist doing an odd jig before awkwardly misstepping out of a rather tall bucket for short stocky women?

It’s a good thing for Fox’s crack reporting at the end of the broadcast. “Oh boy, I think she’s actually hurt there.” Really Einstein?!? You think she actually might be hurt? You mean to tell me you think a large woman awkwardly falling several feet from a bucket of grapes exclaiming she is not able to breathe between horrible gasps of pain is really hurt?!? Because I think she just caved in her fucking chest!

Special kudos to the camera guy for his fast reflexes. I’ve seen many NFL camera guys bite pretty hard on some playfakes and play actions, but this pro caught the entire faceplant before closing in on a shot of the lovely chateau, disturbingly accompanied by the most painful sounds a human can make. Perhaps he had some warning because it seemed like she knew it was coming.

That stupid little jig must have really cost her, seeing as that she prolly stepped on a sharp vine which triggered the whole fiasco. She originally indicated she was in pain which caused the awkward step out of the bucket, but honestly, how the hell do you attempt to step out of a bucket only to miss and have your foot fall back inside? Her dance may not have been funny at all, but she did accomplish her goal in making people laugh.

Apparently the producer was laughing too hard to cut away from the shot while the poor woman seemed to attempt to command the pain to stop, which is really the phrase that got her in trouble in the first place...

Websites

2008-06-26T18:10:00.004-04:00

Recently a friend of mine asked me to recommend some websites to him. His job mostly entails him waiting for work to do and surfing the internet. I figured I might as well post it, seeing as that anyone accidentally wasting time reading this blog should be on a better site. The e-mail went something like this:

Here are just a few of the websites I peruse, categorized and put in sum sorta random order of preference. If you google these they should be the first choice, except for the blogs perhaps.

Tech
Wired, CNET, Popular Science, Tech Republic, MSN(Tech & Gadgets), Gizmodo

Gaming
Kotaku, G4, Level Up, Jay is Games

News
Fark, Google News, London Times, Reuters, Newsweek, Chicago Tribune, Associated Press, Iraq Daily, MSNBC, CNN, Drudge Report, TMZ, E! News

Entertainment (in no particular order)
Holy Taco, Garfield minus Garfield, how to brew, I am bored, Best Page in the Universe, Tucker Max, marmaduke explained, the brew site, Metafilter, Big Think, Maxim, College Humor, the smoking gun, Urban Dictionary, infowars, eMusician, Mixonline, Moulton Labs, soundonsound, recordingMag,

Blogs
Good Evening (Hodgman), Pharyngula (PZ Myers), The Dilbert Blog, Beerbrewingblog.com, Dawkins.net, The Autonomous (Nagdeman), Crave

Happy surfing!

Around the Net

2008-06-18T05:46:00.002-04:00

Yes, I’ve heard of LARPing, and it’s frickin’ hilarious. We are definitely not laughing with you guys.

Magic Missile!

Lightning Bolt!

Here is a good site for NES ROMs. I recommend FCE Ultra for your emulator. Here’s another good site that explains what I’m talking about. Basically an emulator replicates video game consoles on your computer and lets you play ROMs. There’s a ROM for pretty much every Nintendo game ever made, and I recommend the Mario Adventures which can be found here. Someone hacked Mario 3 and made a completely new game out of it. The levels are actually challenging, and the features included are genius.

The first fifteen minutes of the new Metal Gear Solid are on G4, and I can’t wait to play it. Link

Fark.com is something everyone should know about. Odd news stories summed up in hilarious captions with links to the stories. Perhaps the best way to procrastinate at work in the morning, and it catches you up on news from all over the country.

Heard of Pandora? The Music Genome Project attempted to create an algorithm based on musical criteria so that when a user inputs a song or artist, similar artists are recommended. Pandora uses this to create specialized radio stations based on a song or artist. Enter your favorite band, song, or genre and you will most likely discover a lot of good bands you’ve never heard of all through free streaming internet radio. If you don’t like the selections you are getting you can narrow the criteria by rating the songs you get as thumbs up or down. Another good example is Slacker Radio.

Big Think is an interesting way to waste some time. It’s like YouTube for smart people.

Garfield minus Garfield. Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life? Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let’s laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness in a quiet American suberb.

Another good Garfield parody comes from Lasagna Cat.

Wicked Awesome Films has some good short sketch comedy.

I don’t speak burrito!

ExtantDodo provides often humorous rebuttals to Kent Hovind’s propaganda. Hovind deserves to be in jail for his insane delusion he tries to peddle to people of faith as ‘science’, and in fact he is in jail for tax fraud with a 10 year sentence. Enjoy the critiques of his ridiculous creation science seminars.

Running2Win is a free online running log for all you distance runners out there. It’s pretty easy to use, and it gives me extra motivation to keep my milage up.

I am making preparations to brew my own beer, and this site is a handy reference. BTW, Three Floyds is a local brew pub down the street from my hometown, and it has some of the best beers I’ve ever had. Recently they released the infamous Dark Lord, and it lived up to the Hype. I had an Alpha Klaus the other night and it was perhaps the best Christmas Porter I could imagine. The Surly Klaus on draught at the pub was also amazing.

Here’s a few tech websites that I peruse frequently:

CNET – Good for product reviews, as well as their informative articles and blogs. There are a ton of tutorials on things from keeping your computer safe with free software to ripping files off of your iPod. They also have the CNET channel for those of you who can’t read, but then again you would have no idea what I am saying right now. Others: Wired, TechRepublic, Gizmodo

iRant on my iBlog

2008-06-17T09:16:00.002-04:00

(This was supposed to be posted a week ago, but my summer classes ended last Friday and I was rather busy trying to pass my classical guitar graduate performance.)

Finally. The worst kept secret in tech is official and the 3G iPhone is a reality. Steve Jobs announced the 3G iPhone at the WWDC along with specs and a slew of apps. (App means application in the Biz… Biz means business in the Biz) Surely the 3G iPhone does not fall far from the Apple tree, and it is interesting to compare with the iPhone 1.0. So what exactly are the hits and misses from this second gen device?

Obviously, 3G capability is the main upgrade. AT&T has made considerable upgrades to its 3G network, which was not completely ready for a 3G iPhone last year, although the iPhone itself was not ready either. EDGE was painfully slow for most users when WIFI was not available, but 3G speeds have upgraded mobile browsing to near WIFI speeds nationwide (technically). I believe the quick move to 3G was to appease international markets whose wireless industries are far more advanced. (Just read any tech review from a European website on the iPhone. They weren’t very impressed since it was expensive and slow compared to other phones.) Europe, Japan, parts of Africa, and even South Korea have been far ahead of the US in cellular technology. Incompatible technology used by different providers in the US is mostly to blame. Fully digital GSM is the norm in most places, but the US seems to have an affinity for analog cellular for some reason. (Actually it’s more about digital CDMA used by some providers over GSM.)

The next upgrade is GPS capability. Personally I was not too concerned with this feature, but it does take the iPhone in another step towards digital dominance. PNDs (personal navigation devices) now have a multifunctional competitor. GPS may be the first step in a direction toward voice activated 3rd party apps like TOM TOM in future versions. For now GPS and Google maps should prove sufficient.

Not exactly a tech upgrade, but perhaps the most surprising feature for many is the price tag. AT&T will indeed subsidize the cost of the iPhone as well as terminate the old profit sharing agreement with Apple. This reduces the initial cost of the iPhone 2.0 to $199 for the 8 gig version ($299 for 16 gigs). (An 8 gig iPod nano is $200!) The initial price drop is deceptive seeing as that AT&T is raising their data plan rates. The iPhone 2.0 will now cost a minimum of $70/month rather than $60. So yes, the new iPhone will cost $199, but this comes with a required two-year contract resulting in $240 in extra data revenue. This boosts the iPhone to $440 while also costing more in the long run since AT&T profits from continued service. But then again, in two years you will most likely get a discount on the iPhone 3.0 with all the features we expected this time around. To be fair, 3G networks cost more to create and maintain, but it will be interesting to see how people react to $70/month service.

Now I’m no marketing expert, but I would put all my effort into exploiting the best upgrade to a digital device in this century: the flush headphone jack! Steve Jobs must enjoy this blog, because he took my advice and made the jack available to all headphones, putting an end to the discrimination that truly divides this country.

I was surprised by the battery life expectations. Talk-time was exaggerated for the last iPhone (quite a bit actually). But hopefully Apple learned their lesson claiming that the iPhone 2.0 will feature 10 hours of 2G talk-time. 5 hours of 3G talk-time is available for those who want to surf the web or download a file while taking a call. 24 hours of audio playback, 7 hours of video playback, and 5 hours of Web browsing as well as 300 hours of idle stand-by round out the other battery specs. The battery life is satisfactory, but the lack of a user replaceable battery is very frustrating. Business people on the go are used to having an extra charged battery on hand. This is usually necessary for those using their smartphones as a primary mobile device while on the go. Not to mention when the battery needs to be replaced the user will be without their phone for however long it takes. Not so much a big deal for an iPod but a phone?!?

iPhone 2.0 will also support Microsoft Exchange ActivSync. This is a big leap for the iPhone to compete in the business market. The Blackberry was hands down a much better phone than the iPhone for business users. The iPhone is now giving itself a chance to compete for the business of professionals whose companies are grounded in exchange accounts. This feature was a surprise, although it is completely necessary. I would have little use for it, but felt compelled by its addition.

Most of the keynote by Jobs was centered on the new SDK and 3rd party apps. Apps will be available through the iTunes store, and could really be the feature that puts this device over the top. The iPhone can practically rival the DS or PSP at this rate (with the super monkey ball app as just one example), and the possibilities seem limitless. Anyone who has added gadgets or widgets to their desktop knows the possibilities. I’d like to see a Brain Age app at some point.

On the negative side Apple did neglect some basic features as well as wait on upgrading others. The camera is stuck at 2 megapixels and still does not have a flash or autofocus. The camera will also not allow video capture, which seemed like a no brainer to most. It appears Web browsing will still lack flash and java. This means flash animations and videos will be absent from the iPhones browser (not including YouTube vids). MMS (multimedia messaging) was not included, as well as other basic features such as copy and paste and instant messaging. Also, the landscape keyboard many people were hoping for is not included, and the dock will be sold separately now. On the plus side firmware updates and third party apps will be able to overcome many of the software issues lacking as standard features in the iPhone such as MMS and instant messaging.

MMS should be a standard feature, but there is a lot of debate about this. The iPhone can send pictures as e-mail attachments, although only one attachment per e-mail. The trick here is that providers assign an e-mail to all cell numbers. The e-mail is received as text, and picture attachments would be sent like MMS. The iPhone can thus save contacts from Sprint (ex. 1219xxxxxxx@messaging.sprintpcs.com). The iPhone still will not be able to receive MMS unless an app like Swirly is used. Many ppl also claim that MMS is outdated and on the way out, much like when Apple was the first to discontinue floppy drives much to the dismay of the public. The difference is that floppy drives were already being replaced by USB at the time, but just about every phone on the market uses MMS. It is also curious that since the iPhone’s display is such a beautiful video player video capture would be left out. Perhaps in another year or so iPhone users will be able to take high quality pics and video and send it via MMS as a standard feature. One must still wonder why Apple would overlook features that even the cheapest of phones have.

Hands down the iPhone is one of the best cellular devices on the market. With 3G speeds the iPhone puts the internet in your pocket. Real GPS with Google maps turn this phone into a PND that can give you directions, track your progress, and outline hot spots on the way. The calendar features combined with the contact list turn the device into a PDA, and the 16 gig model provides enough space to supplement an iPod. The third party apps can turn the phone into virtually any type of device you want, such as supporting video games similar to the Nintendo DS, and all of these devices are combined into a $200 unit! Each of these stand alone devices cost at least that much, and hopefully the phone will soon provide high quality pictures and video recording capabilities.

One question impulse buyers might want to ask is if they feel the iPhone is the right phone for them. For many people a $30 data plan that doesn’t include unlimited txt messaging is expensive. The iPhone is a gem for the superficial, but functionality is a factor. A main reason to have an iPhone is to have constant access to the internet. If however you prefer a phone with a cheap plan, basic functions, and unlimited txting there are a vast array of better phones and plans.

Although the iPhone lacks some basic features, and Apple overlooked some new high end features to put them over the top (video conferencing), the good overwhelmingly outweighs the bad. Visually the iPhone is one of the sexiest devices on the market. The interactive touch screen and incredible display of the iPhone hardly seem able to be improved upon and make using the phone a gratifying experience. There is enough to nitpick and quibble about with the iPhone, but overall anyone would be satisfied.

Cell Me a Phone

2008-05-27T00:28:00.005-04:00

Just under two years old and my cell phone is just about dead. Rather timely considering my contract is up in early July. I began having more serious problems about a month ago, and a few days ago the SIM hit the fan. My phone is only good for one call before it locks up, and it also locks up if I close it. If I send or receive a call it will lock up after the other line has hung up, and will not budge from the ‘call still connected’ screen. The phone won’t even shut off. If I close the flip phone it will go blank and will not turn on. Each instance sends me into a curious range of procedures to turn the phone back on, although I must leave it open indefinitely.

Step 1 – remove the battery

Step 2 – re-insert the battery

Phase 3 - …profit?

Step 3 – plug phone into charger

Step 4 – attempt to turn phone on (this will trigger the screen to turn on indicating the phone is plugged in to the charger)

Step 5 – attempt to turn the phone on…again

Step 6 – wait about 4 seconds and hope the activation sequence begins

Step 7 – if nothing happens repeat the process

This is the odd process of turning on my phone, and I can only wonder how long it will last before the phone completely dies. On the other hand it has been interesting being out of touch. I now have an excuse to ignore the many calls I would prefer not to take. I can simply say my phone is broken if people ask. On the other hand it has been rather boring sitting in my apartment all by myself the last few days, unwilling to call people since most calls get cut off in mid sentence anyway. Either way, I will soon have a new phone as well as a new provider.

This means I get to embark on the exciting adventure of meandering through all the expensive marketing campaigns in hopes to find the right deal for me. Since I am a tech geek it is rather fun to shop for a new gadget. It also seems to be exactly the right time to need a new phone. Apple is expected to make an announcement about the highly rumored 3G iPhone at Apple's Worldwide Developer's Conference on June 9.

It was about a year ago my long time friend was working for AT&T, ranting and raving about the iPhone. I was rather skeptical of the iPhone, mainly due to its price versus the features it offered. Overall the iPhone was an astounding leap in the digital market. This does not mean it was perfect though.

In my iCOM class I am taking this summer we were talking about how Steve Jobs took a class in calligraphy. He credits this to the sleek design of his products. Surely Apple is doing something right with the presentation of their products. The iPhone is no exception combining many great features with a very sexy interface. I would have conceded any of these points; my only critique was that the price they were asking versus the features offered compared to other phones was not proportionate.

Looking back even Apple agreed with me, dropping prices on both models very quickly. It was the day my friend got his iPhone I admitted to him I liked the iPhone and would gladly take one, but I bet him in one year they would have an updated version for a good price with better features. After all, most second gen Apple gear is where it’s really at. A year later it seems that my prediction may come true.

The problem is that people are becoming increasingly spoiled by technology, and expectations are very high. Imagine something like the iPhone in 03. An iPod, handheld internet device, and phone all in a small touch-interactive package?!? But in 07 expectations are different. The internet browser was far too slow for European markets, which most likely explains the push to release an international 3G product. The camera is a few mega pixels behind the competition and does not offer video recording (which seems odd since it’s the nicest video viewing phone). Also, there is no MMS!!! It is ridiculous for me to think that I would buy a 600 dollar phone and not be able to record video, receive MMS, get flash or java on my internet browser, or even use my own music as ringtones. Not only do you have to buy the song in iTunes, you have to buy it again to use a portion of it as a ringtone?!?

I digress. In short, I stand by my statement that the next gen iPhone will be well worth a mere years wait. Now the question becomes what will the new iPhone offer? It is most fun to speculate about the features, but I fear if I get my expectations up too high I will become disappointed. I believe Apple could corner the entire cell phone market with AT&T if they were willing to make perhaps the boldest move in technology we have seen this decade. This would most likely include delaying the iPhone until all my ideas are feasible. If they can innovate well past anyone’s expectations, the next gen iPhone would be exactly what people had hoped the original iPhone was supposed to be, the Holy Grail of digital tech.

So what are the Holy Grail specs this hypothetical device would need to include? Well, let’s start with the original iPhone and slowly build up with the most likely added aspects.

- Obviously the first feature is 3G capability. I hope Apple does not try to hype this up too much, after all, many people expected this with the first gen and were disappointed and confused of the lacking tech.

- The next feature to address is MMS. It is a must have for an expensive smart phone with pricey data plans. I say pricey because other smart phones have plans for considerably less.

- Upgraded camera with video capability. The two-megapixel camera is ok, but why not bump it up to 5 to compete with other higher models? Also, video recording is a must, and quite possibly a make or break decision for myself.

- FM transmitter to listen to our iPhone music on our car radio.

- Upgraded browser that handles flash and java.

- 16 and 32 gig models.

- Voice-activated dialing. Simple but effective.

-Video conferencing. This feature just seems to makes sense if there is video capability. After all the iChat feature is in prime position to facilitate it. The only drawback is that a second camera might be needed for this feature.

- Skype and AIM. Many people may not know about Skype, but this would be the perfect opportunity to introduce it. It also might justify and legitimize the reasoning for a second camera. To me AIM is a no brainer, since I use it almost as much as my phone. In fact it has done a reputable job replacing my phone as of recent.

- GPS! Personally I think the ‘soft GPS’ the old iPhone used was sufficient, but then again this list is a wishlist. Not a big selling point for me, but it may be for some.

- Stereo Bluetooth. Although it seems unlikely, it would be a major consideration for the perfect device boasting ultimate features.

- Dimensions! The next gen iPhone is supposed to be slimmer, and it would be nice to get even a slightly larger screen.

- Battery Life. The main reason the first gen iPhone was not 3G was due to a lack in the technology of battery life. It will be interesting to see how 3G affects the power consumption.

- Fix that bloody indented headphone jack! No, seriously tho…

- PC software. Sorry, but for many in the business world, the iPhone is not sufficient. Like it or not people want Outlook and MS Office Mobile with the option to edit documents. I’m not saying ditch OSX, but include it like bootcamp does.

- PTT? I could care less actually. I never use it anymore with my phone. In fact, I almost don’t want it. But hey, why not at least mention it?

- Software! The SDK release for the original iPhone will likely be the same for the next gen. This will allow for more apps and offer minimal updates, but one must wonder what 2013 iPhone software will entail.

- The ultimate social networking app! This would integrate all social networks into one app much like the MAC combines all instant messaging. Imagine an app so advanced it encompases all your online profiles into one. Your facebook, skype, twitter, gmail, WOW, myspace, youtube, blogger, wordpress, AIM, Digg, and any other profile had one log-in on your iPhone, and you could check any update through one mega-app! Even better yet you can fully interact with all of these including online gaming. I believe this app is the future of Cinergy and digital technology.

Other features include speculation and rumors on the AT&T side of things

- AT&T might subsidize the cost so new models might be as low as $200! (This includes those who are signing up for a new two-year contract)

- Data plans that hopefully offer the bare minimum $60/month even though 3G might tax their networks more.

Now for some rather unlikely and completely unreasonable requirements!

- 40 gig! No wait… 200 gig external hard drive capability!!! haha

- Unlimited battery! Solar power, nuclear, I don’t care. I don’t wanna charge it or ever have to plug it in, but I want it as small as possible!

- The phone costs under $200 and the data plan is only $40, but it comes with everything my dreams can think of!

- Slingbox? Seriously tho, how cool would that be?

- Laser pointer and LED light.

- Debit card functionality! (This tech is a lot closer than anyone might think. Imagine paying for anything with a wireless iPhone account to any business syncing directly to your checking account with automatic online checking updates as well as instant alerts of suspicious activity.)

- Universal remote control also functioning as TV-B-Gone(which is hilarious btw)

- Fully functional online support. This includes all file formats as well as all apps and programs that are missing to include a full online experience rival to the personal computer

- Direct link to ‘The Rant’ on every homepage

- Highly customizable homepage

- Perfect resolution hologram video chat always ending in ‘Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi”

- Finger-print recognition to unlock phone

As you can see I would normally get completely ridiculous from here on out asking for outlandish features such as built in toaster and masseuse. I still maintain that Apple and AT&T are in a unique position to not only revolutionize the cell phone industry, but the entire wireless market in general. It is rather presumptuous to expect such extravagant features in a tiny device, but the technology is not too far out of reach. What it does represent is the fact that the future has very real goals to achieve. Moore’s law was indeed ingenious, and it is an incredibly exciting time for technology.

As a poor individual I represent the middle line of the market. I am willing to hand over fiat, but if the cost is too much I will be excluded. This is the tough decision Apple has to face, weighing how powerful to make such a device while offering as many features as possible. At the same time they must figure out the willingness of the market and how to maximize profit. If I am any indication of the type of people who are on the fence considering AT&T and Apple, then it appears very simple to me. I want a clear upgrade from the old iPhone with a modest amount of better features as well as a cheap plan to subscribe to. If my income is excluded from their expectations, AT&T will most likely lose out on two years of service charges.

Hopefully next month will reveal some good surprises on the new iPhone. If not I will have to continue my search for a new phone/provider. At least for now only one thing can be sure, anything is an upgrade from my current phone.

Monroe Central

2008-05-26T07:29:00.002-04:00

Congrats to the Golden Bears on their track season. It was a tremendous experience to coach them, and I may even take the head coach position next year.

It was a surreal experience to be in the coaching role. It seems like so long ago, and yet it also feels like yesterday I was in their ‘spikes’. The duality most likely comes from all the reminiscing of fond memories I shared with the kids. I ran track and cross-country from 6th grade until freshman year of college. (The guys running program was cut that year due to ‘budget’ cuts, but that’s a whole-nother rant.) Running track and XC was a large part of my identity, and represents simpler times. As a coach I had hoped to bring in my experience and knowledge to help these kids achieve their best. I had a different idea of the type of situation I was walking into, and would learn a lot from this experience.

My preconceptions of coaching were based on my personal experiences at Lake Central. We were one of the largest schools in Indiana. Our track program was highly competitive and was headed by some great coaches. The area was also more densely populated than most of Indiana so the competition was at a higher level. The school records were like an unattainable wish list, and it was expected that we win sectionals every year as well as send many runners to the state championships. During my tenure I even got to train with quite a few state champions. I soon realized how lucky I was to be part of a big school’s program.

Monroe Central is the polar opposite of Lake Central, and coaching such a small team provided many unexpected difficulties. During the winter the first issue was working with small school facilities. Conditioning started in January, but the team did not start outdoor practice until mid March. (I was very aggravated by this fact. The AD and other coaches babied the kids in my opinion, and were unreasonable in their unwillingness to go outside.) Risking injury, the track team was forced to run around the tiled hallways. As an added bonus both track teams also had to share the hallways with other winter or spring sports on occasion.

Another challenge a small school faces is the personnel. Being shorthanded affects the team in various ways. (It does appear to even out since most teams in their County and Conference have the same problem.) Other negative factors include the competition and scheduling of their season. Most meets were tri-meets between county and conference rivals. The problem is that with such small schools most quality runners hardly get to race any good competition until sectionals. The scheduling was the worst part for this season. There was no indoor season, and the first meet wasn’t until April Fools. With such a late start a full season was crammed into one month and these poor kids had three meets a week sometimes. This messes up their training as well as overworks them.

The hardest challenge was definitely the mental attitude of the team. I wanted to train these kids to achieve their best, which takes extremely hard work. Sadly a lot of the kids were nothing more than lazy untapped potential. It is not all their fault, and hopefully this year will trigger a shift in their track program as a whole. The general attitude of the team is to approach track not as a sport, but more as a club or intramural. The previous coaches managed track this way. Athletes were allowed to come and go to practice as they pleased often without direction or good training. They were allowed to choose whatever events they wanted to run, and Friday practice was always optional?!?

It was a rude awakening for them when we came in and made changes, and they fought us every step of the way. We instituted a routine such as warming up and specific stretches which they finally broke down and began to follow. The hardest part was getting them to train hard. In reality many of them just didn’t want to. Training hard takes a lot of physical strength and mental concentration/determination. By the time the team had began outdoor practice, only a few weeks before their first meet, many were still not in great shape. (Not all mind you, there were some good runners with a hard work ethic.) In my opinion it wasn’t until halfway through the season the whole team was in shape to begin training, and by then it was too late for many of them.

I was in charge of the middle distance runners. To their credit they had the best work ethic and attitudes on the team. They really seemed to want to work hard, but were not sure how. I did all I could to let them know exactly what it would take, and to inspire them to go after it. They seemed to trust me, and it really paid off. Soon they became the hope for the team, and were a good example of how to improve. The best moment was at the Muncie Relays when everyone on the 4x8 ran their best time of the year by about 10 seconds each. We had two rough weeks of hard training, but I think everyone began to get a sense that maybe the coaches knew what they were doing.

By the end of the year, the kids deserved a lot of credit. We took a team of 10 guys (8 runners) to Conference. It was the last meet of the year before sectionals. Our 10 guys almost won the meet, and only lost by a few points to their rivals, a team of 25. Even though all hope was lost by the last event (4x4), our guys went out and edged out their rivals. They also broke their personal best by 8 seconds! Eventually the season was over. After a pasta party followed by the movie Without Limits, it was time for sectionals. Surprisingly half of the team qualified for regionals! The best part was the middle distance guys that made it out are all sophomores and freshman. It was a proud moment for all of us.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The actual coaching part turned out to be only half the fun. Since the age gap isn’t very large it was fun to hang out with the kids, but the coaching staff turned out to be an unexpected benefit.
I met Brad at the BSU Learning Center where we were both tutors. He mentioned in the fall he was coaching a track team and needed to hire a staff. I offered to help him out if he needed any advice since he had trouble filling the position. Eventually I told him I was interested in the job. We decided to go out after work for an ‘interview’. He mentioned his friend was going to help coach long/high jump, and we could all meet and discuss ideas for the season. We decided to go to Scotties Brewhouse on a Wednesday (you have to go Wed since their $20 pitchers magically turn into $5 pitchers). I walked in and found Brad who was sitting with my next door neighbor Brian. It appears it really is a small world since we all knew each other, and the interview turned into a hazy night ending around 3am. Their friend Justin who played football for BSU was going to be the shot/disc coach, and Rachel responded to an add to the running club to help coach. Soon enough there were five BSU students coaching a high school track team. For whatever reason both the girls and guys head coach had resigned this year, and Brad used to be an assistant for them. Brad was also an alumni of the school knowing everyone in the small town so he got the job with ease.

We slowly got to know each other from all the carpooling and soon became friends. Eventually we had frequent ‘coaches meetings’ that the kids finally picked up on. I’m not sure how the Monroe Central school board would feel about 5 hung-over coaches struggling their way through a Saturday morning practice.

I learned a lot of things from this experience about myself and others. I made some good memories getting meals after meets with the kids, and then partying with the coaches at night. Overall the job was fun, the experience was valuable, and I made some friends. If anything else I will always have two free Monroe Central track t-shirts, and our season catch phrase; “Do Work!”

Whew!

2008-05-01T04:30:00.003-04:00

I’m sorry to have kept you waiting, but I’m afraid my walk has become rather silly as of recently.

My semester became rather busy as you would expect with 9 classes crammed into 21 credit hours plus 2 jobs. But I am finally done! I am also looking forward to a relaxing summer full of some well needed and deserved binge drinking! Ok… so not really, else I could fulfill the stereotype of a college student.

I knew 21 hours would be a mistake, especially since the music department at Ball State somehow thinks our classes should only be worth 1 or 2 credits. The norm is 15 hours of 3 credit courses but I’m trying to get out of Muncie as fast as I can. And by as fast as I can… I mean switching majors late and slowly becoming the oldest senior in college. As a good friend pointed out, I am a professional student.

What I find most irritating is the fact that much of my degree is wasted on music classes. I only have myself to blame for picking a degree that made me learn 18^th century counterpoint this semester, although in my defense I did not know what I was getting into until it was too late. But if anyone wants a complete deconstruction of J.S. Bach and his many inventions I am your man! All I can hope is that my next job interview is dependent on me quickly deconstructing the Goldberg Variations (also Bach).

Counterpoint wasn’t my only class obviously, and I did enjoy my digital media class... when I went to it. I even wrote a paper on ethical subjectivism that the prof liked so much he wants to feature it on his website. School was only half of the battle as working took up a lot of time this semester. My job as a tutor at the Learning Center was uneventful. My job as a high school track coach on the other hand has been quite the experience.

I took on a role as a coach for the Monroe Central Golden Bears. Not to be confused with cross town rivals Muncie Central Golden Showers. Monroe Central is about 20 minutes away in Parker City which made buying gas a bit of a pain, but luckily all of the coaches are students so we have a nice carpool situation. Apparently both former coaches resigned this year and a friend that worked at the Learning Center was asked to be head coach. He graduated from the high school and was the assistant for the last few years. He told me last semester he was trying to hire a staff and after a few pitchers at Scotties on a Wednesday after work I had the job. (You gotta hit it up on Wednesday since their 20 dollar pitchers become 5 dollar pitchers.)

It appears that finally I will again find time to incoherently rant about meaningless dribble, while at the same time fulfill the insatiable need to delude myself that I indeed have self worth due to the fact that I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog gone it, people like me. It’s good to be back!

Election Fever

2008-03-16T22:23:00.004-04:00

Most introductory classes talk about discipline specific vocabulary. When embarking on a professional career in a given field one will encounter the lingo. I see parallels with the political coverage from the national media. The news loves to cover elections, and each election cycle you will hear the political jargon. Here is a list of the top favorite buzz words pundits love to drop as often as possible to sound intellectual this year.

1. Pandering

2. Rhetoric

Other honorees include:

3. Foot Soldier

4. Reagan Revolution

5. Change Agent

This is a surprise upset with pandering claiming the top spot to last elections leader rhetoric. Foot soldier made a run for the top during the Republican debates, but tapered off as soon as the nominees were done arguing which one of them was Reagan incarnate. Change Agent lost some luster due to the fact it was often twisted into Agent of Change. This list is tentative until the super-delegates vote however, which will account for 87% of the vote.

Less humorous buzz words:

Injecting Race, Coalition, Super-Delegate, Mormon, Evangelical, Agenda, Caucus, Super Tuesday, Super-Mega Tuesday, 9/11(had Giuliani remained in the race 9/11 would have held all spots on the top of the list), Convention, Character Assassination, Denounce, Reject, Denounce & Reject, Black Vote,Victim, Radical Islamic Extremism, Change… the list tirelessly goes on.

Spitzer or Swallows?

2008-03-11T10:41:00.004-04:00

Is this not an appropriate headline? I was catching Morning Joe and for once I agreed with them, albeit for the wrong reasons most likely. The headlines pasted all over the front pages of major newspapers made poor attempts at being clever. And yet nobody had the balls to go there. Well I went there. Yes I should be ashamed I was watching Morning Joe, but it was on when I woke up I swear!

http://www.swamppolitics.com/news/politics/blog/2008/03/
ny_tabloids_spicy_spitzer_head.html

New York Post – Ho No!

Daily News – Pay For Luv Gov

Newsday – Eliot & The Call Girl

The Rant – Spitzer or Swallows?

The New York Post deviously switched the expression Oh into Ho to play on the phrase ‘Oh No!’ A ho is slang for whore, which alludes to the prostitute at the center of the story. This is also funny because Spitzer’s odd expression on the cover would indicate he is thinking to himself that he is in a predicament appropriate for the phrase ‘Oh No’. Perhaps his lips were curled too tightly to form the expression Oh, but more likely the Post delivers the Freudian slip! Thank you New York Post! You clearly must have brought in some sort of phrasiologist to capture such a pun in so few words.

Daily News went for the ever hysterical rhyme scheme headline. The Daily is known for the cadence like rhythmic tags, and they sure do deliver on this one. The governor is accused of paying a prostitute for sex, hence he is a gov who pays for luv. Style points for using words of the same length. The picture sure looks familiar, but I give them credit for editing out the poor wife who chose to put aside her embarrassment and devastation to stand by her uncontrollably lustful husband. Poor woman, standing by her husband in most likely his worst hour, putting up the image of a unified front. At least it was a high class hooker, I mean after all she did have a 7 diamond rating. (Literally how their website rates their call girls)

Newsday did not outsource their headlines to the pun gods. Instead they relied on old fashioned allusion to conjure up boyhood memories of sleeping with hookers. To their credit they did opt for the most extreme closeup and even went so far as to touch up the gov in photoshop to bring out his true colors. Is this a beauty and the beast close up? Perhaps. What is more important is that Newsday took the high road while appealing to the reader with the promise of a heartwarming story of a governor cursed by a wicked witch finding comfort in the only Emperor call girl willing to perform the Sloppy William.

I think what we have learned today is that when you sleep with a prostitute and get caught, try not to express yourself with quite possibly the most extreme frown ever seen by mankind! I guess it would take that kind of frown to maneuver your jaw in such a position to incessantly flick the little sore your whore left on the roof of your mouth… but then again what would I know about that?

The Most Trusted Blog in News

2008-03-08T17:27:00.003-05:00

Can I really trust CNN when every time they break for commercial they are trying to sell me HeadOn?

How do people even know what HeadOn is used for? Their commercials don’t even claim to cure headaches anymore. The older spots portrayed HeadOn as a homeopathic remedy for ‘fast, safe, effective’ headache relief. Currently they are only allowed to imply what their product does after scrutiny from the Better Business Bureau. The active ingredients mandated by the FDA prove the product to be a waxy placebo at best.

Furthermore, are the directions associated with HeadOn really that complicated? The product name itself pretty much describes how to use it. (OH wait I get! It’s like taking a problem head on... it’s like a pun right? A little play on words maybe?) Yet for some reason the marketing department of Miralus Healthcare deemed it necessary to provide a visual for their product users. Perhaps the delusional elderly people HeadOn preys upon found the only direction too confusing. The choruslike slogan is only good for brainwashing the intellectually inept to buy the product, not to understand how to use it.

Someone made the tough executive decision that merely telling people their product is applied to the forehead was not enough. Nay it was absolutely vital that the general public is given a demonstration on how to use HeadOn. The public must be informed how to do the only thing you can do with this product, while specifically showing them exactly where the forehead is. Who would have thought that you put HeadOn On your foreHead?

It is impossible for CNN to be the most trusted name in news if every commercial break they are essentially reporting that you can get rid of your headaches by rubbing wax on your forehead.

Here are some new products currently being tested in the lab:

EnlargeOn – Apply directly to the genitals (works for breasts too!)

MiracleOn – Apply directly to the palms (I hear this is the very same gift from God that Benny Hinn uses to ‘heal’ people that attend his ministries.)

JobOn – Apply directly to the Resume (not the same as HandjobOn)

IntellectOn – Apply directly to a Republican

AbortionOn – Apply directly to the coat hanger

HerpesOn – Apply directly to the ex-girlfriend who cheated on you with some D-bag who bragged about it to his friends not realizing they really hated him and eventually got caught by posting pictures on Facebook (this product is more specialized for my friend)

RantOn – Apply directly to the Blog

ConstitutionOn – Apply directly to corrupt totalitarian governments

ClintonOn – Apply directly to a political party to fracture it

MarijuanaOn – Apply directly to a square, man

MunchiesOn – Apply directly to MarijuanaOn

ShutyourdamnmouthOn – Apply directly to the back of your palm (big seller in the south, commonly used for unruly children or women)

Ok sorry, I’m done. Does anyone else have any?

In the College Kitchen

2008-03-07T02:26:00.002-05:00

I have a jolly good idea for the Food Network. And by good idea I mean an idea that I support; although in all practicality this hypothetical program would be an unwatchable miserable failure with quite possibly the worst ratings ever. My idea is a cooking show for the average poor college student. The problem is that the target audience is not a very large one, although the bachelors of the world may benefit from such programming. To reach out to a broader audience perhaps we can pretend that grandparents and parents would watch in hopes to get a perspective of the college experience.

The setting would most definitely not be a world class kitchen highly organized and designed for fluid cooking motions. The kitchen would be small and awkward, housing a dirty stove with only one working burner. The sink would mostly be filled with dirty dishes needing a good scrubbing at the beginning of the show, as well as a counter littered with remnants from past meals. The kitchen supplies would be limited with no chance of food processors, but a microwave and Foreman grill would be at our disposal as they are staples of the college cooking world.

The main premise behind the show will be working shorthanded. The pantry will offer no help, and the fridge will have little more than beer and mustard… Why is there always mustard?

This show could provide a service for the inept college students such as my many past roommates. For those who do not mind cooking, but are so damn lazy they never go shopping and usually can spare less than an hour for a meal. There are surefire ways to transcend the monotony of the typical awful meals that befall the average college student. Why subject yourself to mediocrity when you can use the moderately bad ideas from a fellow scholar?

Part One: Cereal

As a college student cereal is not just breakfast. It is a full meal all by itself that you might be subjected to multiple times a day. Some of my best dinners were large double bowls of frosted cheerios wolfed down with enough time to spare for a shower before a night of beer, the main course. But if you eat cereal for two meals a day for a week due to lack of shopping, it will become very repetitive. How about mixing two different types of cereals? Mix up the texture and even add one part Smart Start so you can pretend it’s a healthy meal. I also recommend adding peanut butter, honey and/or cinnamon to the dish. Beware clichéd college kid, beer with cereal is neither cool, a good idea, nor funny.

So there is a small taste of the mediocre ideas that could perpetuate the most average show in history. There could be good hints regarding ingredients to make sure to keep on hand as well as tips on effectively mooching off your roommates. Most likely I would be getting hammered throughout the show until it devolves into an incoherent and potentially violent shouting match between me and the fridge. But what I do on my Saturday nights is my own damn business.

Astronomicology

2008-03-04T02:21:00.007-05:00

Many people enjoy music as a hobby, and go into science as a profession. I must have gotten these wires crossed, seeing as that I am a music major who devotes free time to studying science. It is ironic, I often find myself neglecting homework to study science. I bet most science majors procrastinate by listening to music or playing an instrument.

Outer space has been the focus of my interest in science. In third grade a unit on the solar system sparked a substantial amount of curiosity in my young mind. I think it was this very curiosity that led me into philosophy. Often I would lie awake at night and gaze at the glow-in-the-dark stars that littered my ceiling, wondering what the universe was and pondering questions without answers. I have maintained this childlike curiosity and enjoyed astronomy in high school as well as college. Marveling at the stars reflects my curiosity of the world around me and my place in it.

The most unfathomable aspect of the universe includes the astronomical ratios used to describe relationships. The first relationship regards the size of objects. Humankind has a limited understanding of the size of our own planet. Our 3-dimensional reality does not allow us to experience the entire size of the Earth. Conceptually we can only make comparisons of its size in hopes to visualize how our planet dwarfs us. The larger the scale gets, the less our mind is able to comprehend how big these objects are. The next scale is the ratio of our planet with respect to our star, the largest object in our solar system. More than one million Earths would fit into the Sun. If the Sun was a basketball, the Earth would be the size of a pea. Our sun is a rather average sized star however, and incredibly small compared to the size of Red Supergiants. Antares is roughly 300 times larger than our sun, and would encompass the orbit of Mars inside of it. In comparison, the Sun is only 100 times the size of the Earth. And yet, recent discoveries are finding even larger stars, not to mention supermassive black holes.

The second issue I find fascinating is that of amount. This is in reference to the amount of stars we can theorize to be in the universe. Our solar system is based on one star in the Milky Way galaxy. A galaxy that has a possible 400 billion stars in it. It would take one almost 32 years to merely count to 1 billion if they were able to count one number per second. Now multiply that by 400 to get an idea of how incapable we are at charting our own galaxy much less the universe. With modern technology, we are indeed in a Golden Age for astronomy.

Granite not all galaxies are the same size, but let us assume so for the sake of convenience. Estimates on the number of galaxies are variable depending on the type of testing and data gathered. Recent updates to the Hubble have led to data that indicates a conservative estimate of 130 billion galaxies in the universe. (A non-conservative estimate is around 500 billion galaxies) This would mean that to get a sloppy predication of stars in the universe we would need to multiply 400 billion by 130 billion. This leads us to a number somewhere around 50,000 billion billion… A billion billion? That’s a one with 18 zeros after it. Then imagine 50,000 of those! As Carl Sagan put it so eloquently, “the total number of stars in the universe is greater than all the grains of sand on all the beaches of the planet Earth.”

Lastly, I want to share the idea of distance. The distance between these objects, and the size of our universe. The Earth is 93 million miles from the sun. As fast as light travels, it still takes 8 minutes to reach the Earth. I find that a little insulting, living off the leftovers of Mercury and Venus. America is the greatest thing ever, perhaps better than Jebus, and we deserve our light fresh from the tap. The Milky Way galaxy is said to span 100,000 light years, as far as we can tell. So if light can travel 93 million miles in about 8 minutes, the size of our galaxy is about what… 20 minutes? Back off, I didn’t say math was my hobby. The Andromeda Galaxy by comparison is around 2.5 million light years away, give or take a few feet. Be warned, it is predicted in 2.5 billion years the spiral galaxies will merge into an elliptical galaxy, due to gravitational attraction. I don’t even want to touch on the size of the universe. Space.com had an interesting article claiming it could be around 156 billion light years…

So basically I guess what I just said was stars are big, there are a lot of them, and they are very far apart. Not so profound when I spell it out for myself. I was once told astronomy is nothing more than a tool to make you feel small and insignificant. I could not disagree more. I can understand and sympathize with their position. Perhaps the ego does not want to accept insignificance. I find my existence no less astounding if it represents simple chemical processes that were cultivated in ideal conditions for billions of years resulting in replicating systems of chemicals. We should feel fortunate simple bacteria struggled its way out the ocean to earn the right to look up into the sky and wonder why. Perhaps the small possibility for chemistry to allow thought and sight represent an inherent desire by the cosmos to be observed.

The laws of nature provided the possibility for intelligent life, and we have been selected for this experience. Please do not waste it.

Impressionism

2008-02-23T13:43:00.005-05:00

This semester I am taking composition lessons. I have decided to compose for Cor anglais and piano. Cor anglais literally means English horn, but the instrument is neither English nor a horn. I considered using harp in the instrumentation, but chose piano for simplicity. I think the instrumentation will provide interesting timbre for the style I am attempting. The piece will hopefully reflect impressionism with influences of jazz and blues scattered throughout. My inspirations are the piano works of Debussy and Ravel. Two specific pieces in fact; Reverie and Modere.

Reverie by Debussy is the overall type of piece I would like to write. The idea of reverie is extremely appropriate for impressionism, and Debussy masterfully represents it in his piano work. It is ironic Debussy was not a fan of the label impressionism regarding his music, and here I am trying to capture it. Ravel’s Sonatine is simply brilliant, and I was literally in sheer amazement by his first movement the first time I listened to it. I could hardly comprehend how it was possible to compose such good music. I see the piano part of my composition reflecting Modere. The shimmering quality of the melody is similar to the piano part in Aquarium by Camille Saint-Saens.

So far the opening of my composition uses high register rapid arpeggiation to establish harmony. The overall harmony is grounded in D minor, but with so many notes played so fast I enjoy taking liberties in how I represent this harmony. I feel that I blur the line between D dorian played in thirds and D minor 7 add 9 and 11. The piece is most likely going to be modal and resemble a nocturne. I am excited to get some work done on it this weekend. Hopefully I can capture a fraction of the beauty found in the works of the masters of impressionism I am emulating. If so then I will claim it a resounding success.

I was hoping to embed videos in the comment section but that did not quite pan out as I hoped. Not the best audio quality for Reverie, but a good performance. The tempo is andantino, but most people interpret the piece way too slow. This was one of the few videos I found on youtube that didn't butcher this piece. There are many great instrumentations of this piece I have found that I recommend as well. Julian Bream plays this piece as well as Clair de lune for a guitar duet. My favorite versions include harp and flute and one for woodwind quintet.

I chose this version of modere, despite the awkward bootlegger perspective in the first minute. I had no idea there was such a market for pirated Anez concerts. Suzanna Perez and Richard Einhorn also provide good interpretations of the piece found on YouTube. Enjoy!

Plaguing Responses

2008-02-13T00:37:00.004-05:00

This post is in response to the comments by Tracy in the previous post.

What do I believe in... Perhaps the only thing I believe in is skepticism. If labels are necessary you could call me a lapsed catholic and a current agnostic.

I do try to argue for intelligent design as rational. I do not give the same courtesy to religion however. For the most part I play devil’s advocate to investigate my own beliefs, and discover them on a deeper level. In essence, I wrote a short reflection on a single issue, and usually the first issue, brought up in debates between theists and anti-theists. Lately I have been watching and reading many debates online, and I guess I could not resist getting in on the action.

You are absolutely correct to key into the concept of “our form of life.” I refer to this explicitly to leave open the possibility of other life forms we have no conception of. Even so, it is quite remarkable how sensitive and fragile the balance of our existence is. I would argue this should result in appreciation, a marvel at the beauty of life and the world around it. Instead, it is used as circular logic by some to prove a creator. Question begging, they point to improbabilities as proof of design. Improbable complexity posed by improbable complexities? The fact is the conditions have already been met, and hardly prove a creator; it merely implicates it as a possibility. Who is to be so presumptuous to claim authority on why these conditions are present? Religion and science are definitely at odds here.

I try to reduce the whole topic of intelligent design into a series of questions that trouble mankind regarding our existence. Towards the end I implicitly paint science as the new religion. Philosophy and logic predate modern science. Modern science can be seen as a new faith, one founded on our concept of logic, verifiable data, and the scientific method. Thus the logic that developed to enhance faith has transcended it.

To be fair I embarked on a major tangent into epistemology. I questioned whether science required faith, and brought up several talking points related to empiricism and its opponents. This then incoherently ran into my thoughts of agnosticism, being either a stance of wisdom or an easy way out of a tough debate. As you can see the full scope of this rant began to ramble, and was thus truncated, as it probably should be now. I digress.

In the end I offer no conclusions or advice. The last statement is a stab at religion challenging all to state their case. To their credit, they offer a more general complete account to answer my plaguing questions, aside from being problematic in various other areas. Science is not complete, and is late to the debate by a few thousand years, but it is adaptable. It does not promise to be complete, but only to carry forward. This is partly why I refer to questions of meaning as a plague, aside from other ironic allusions that will remain hidden.

Plaguing Questions

2008-02-11T06:05:00.000-05:00

Humankind is plagued by questions of self-meaning. What are we? Where are we? Why are we…? Religion is the most popular medium to answer these questions. Theists argue for intelligent design, alluding to the complexity of life, and the improbable conditions required to support it.

Complexity: Theists argue the mere thought that life could develop without a creator is irrational. This includes the simplest organism, but is mostly realized in the intense complexity of ourselves. The eye is commonly referred to with design due to its complexity, but the hearing mechanism which fits the size of a cube of sugar could easily be used. As could any organ’s function or the major system structures of our body (digestive, respiratory, cardiovascular, immune, skeletal) When it is all compounded, a designer is a valid and logical rationale.

Improbable conditions: The conditions of our universe to support our form of life are incredibly specific. The mere physics of atomic particles are very precise, and altering any of the fundamental forces of nature even slightly would result in our impossibility. An example could be altering the electron or nuclear forces complicating the bonding process resulting in water becoming impossible. Aside from the governing laws of physics, the exact conditions our planet provides are extremely sensitive. The position of our planet in relation to the sun, the position of the moon to affect our tides, the rotation speed of our planet. All are ideal circumstances to support life, which is to say if they were altered life would be impossible.

Thus it appears that our form of life is a major statistical improbability, evidence that humankind is no accident. The only explanation would be a creator with ability beyond our comprehension.

Most often, the atheist position rejects the notion of intelligent design. Faith in science is preferred, and the scientific method is used to deduce the questions that plague us. What we are is a random accumulation of chemistry and biology. There is no deeper meaning to our existence, so why are we is better addressed through how. How are we involves evolution and natural selection, processes that determined our specific condition we enjoy today. Where are we is not within our capabilities to answer, yet most fun to theorize. We could be part of a multidimensional system of universes comprised of incredibly tiny vibrating strands of energy which account for all matter, but String Theory is just that… theory.

The sophistication of science is only very recently capable to begin attempting to answer our plaguing questions. This is indeed why religion predates the scientific rationalizations made by atheists. Perhaps this is one of many reasons why religion is more prominent in our culture as well. A developed critical mind is not as new as science. Religion would appear to be the only rationality for quite some time. But which religion to choose… and why?

Quest, Nightline, and their commercials…

2008-02-09T17:15:00.001-05:00

Oh what luck! My odd sleeping habits have finally paid off. Somewhere between the hours of 1 and 4am I hit pay dirt. In a half sleep daze I stumbled upon the holy grail of hook-ups.

Now, we all know that attractive women have a hard time meeting people. This is often compounded by the fact that they are not very picky about the type of guys they date. Well it just so happens that local phone lines have caught wind of this, and are conveniently connecting local singles.

Often when I observe attractive women (usually from afar using optics), I get the sense that they are tired of the dating scene. Sure enough, they are. After all, the TV commercial said so. Also, I have always maintained the curious suspicion that what women really want is to meet socially awkward strangers who use landline phones to pick up chicks. Good news, THEY DO!

What is most surprising are the testimonials from the women. First of all they are incredibly busty with great bodies and overall stunning features. I swear they could all be models or actresses if they wanted to. I had no idea these women preferred to stay in on a Friday night and flirt with strangers on the phone.

The commercial is also much like a documentary, displaying these women using these dating services. Through my careful research I have hypothesized these women prefer to dress very provocatively, despite the fact they are staying in for the night for some good ol’ fashioned stranger flirtin. It does not end there however; data indicates that women prefer to assume provocative ‘flirting positions’ exposing their features while chatting. How curiously exciting!

Ok, so perhaps I am being a bit brash. I do understand the concept of marketing, and that there is competition among different dating service formats. These infomercials are merely trying to present their product with a good image. One that is less creepy, and avoids the fact that what they are offering is the opportunity for anyone with a credit card or landline to seek out mating opportunities. On the other hand the appealing side could be for shy people, or perhaps those that are socially awkward. Maybe those that feel they have a real good personality but are not given a fair chance because of their appearance. And then here I come poking fun at these misfortunate people. How boorish! A little known fact about me however is that I do not feel empathy, and sarcasm is the only form of communication I am capable of.

My point was to attack the absurdity of the commercial nonetheless. You decide. Noble commercial promoting a product to help others? Perhaps. Commercial that baits delusional insomniacs into surrendering their money for a chance to merely talk to a female? Likely.

Complete - Hoogie Boogie Land

2008-01-29T16:23:00.001-05:00

Usually I try to keep this blog free from junk. I don’t post every little article or video I find amusing. I reserve spreading that content through away messages, IM, or e-mail. This is despite the fact that nobody actually reads this blog, and it is more a means of self expression. Nonetheless I still try to keep content more poignant than random YouTube videos. BUT… every once in awhile there comes a time where one must abandon the norm. The band Complete is so awesomely bad everyone should know about it. (By everyone I mean the four or so people that have seen this blog)

Each member of this band obviously understands nothing about music. They can hardly play their own instruments much less create an interesting musical idea. On top of their individual struggles they have no sense of rhythm, and clearly are not capable of playing 'together'. The lyrics are bizarre, but the execution of tone deaf yelling in favor of singing is downright hilarious. In an interview with the band they claim they are developing their own sound, something original like bands in the 70s. They sure have developed their own sound, but it is quite possibly the worst sound that four people have ever made on purpose, simultaneously, with instruments.

Classification of Guitar Players

2008-01-18T16:12:00.001-05:00

As a guitar player of about a decade or so I have come across many who claim to play guitar. College has introduced me to the wide diversity of guitar players. This is a handy reference on how to classify yourself, your boyfriend, or friends and then judge them accordingly.

The Guitar Hero

Do not be fooled by his ruse. This impostor does not actually play guitar. These individuals enjoy the simulation of playing guitar with a plastic controller while a program instructs them to trigger color coordinated buttons in rhythm. Most ironic is the fact that the game gets hard enough to demand the player to actually practice. Curiously, the time it takes to master songs on expert could be used to actually learn and practice guitar.

The Quitter

This title is self-explanatory. The quitter owns a mint condition guitar still strung with its original strings which are grossly out of tune. With little patience they soon became discouraged by how terrible they were, or perhaps how much better their friends are. Often too lazy to commit, they soon moved onto the next fad to help them find their identity. Next stop, film director.

They do play a vital role in the process. Guitar Center thrives on the business of the beginner. The vultures that scour the show room floors are there to make sales, and the novice is the ideal target. The mere intention of buying a starter guitar soon turns into loading up on pics, straps, extra strings, teaching books/DVDs, guitar case, cables, amp, FX peddles, peddle board, Marshall JCM half-stack, and a Gibson Custom Shop 1959 Les Paul.

The Pretender

The pretender is most commonly found lurking in dorm rooms and feeds off open mic nights. Hardly an actual ‘guitar player’ the pretender is more interested in impressing girls rather than learning music. Playing guitar for less than 2 years, it’s more of a hobby to them. Their guitar is merely a means by which to accompany their high pitched whiny voice while they complain about their relationship problems through song. Few can actually write their own music however, so they rely on other musicians to express how they feel.

Give the pretender some credit. To be extremely mediocre at an instrument and yet still brag about playing it at every chance they get takes guts. So does struggling their way through four chord progressions while singing off key in front of a crowd. The pretender surpassed quitter status because they usually had a leg up in learning a limited number of chords to strum. Some were proactive enough to take as many as 10 private lessons, while others relied on older siblings or peers for help.

The pretender can actually read TAB which means as long as someone else can tell them how to play a song and write it down for them, they have a shot at learning it. If the music is mostly power chords or cowboy chords(which the music they like almost always is) they are ready for an open mic. They usually are not aware if their guitar has fallen out of tune, and can hardly play correct rhythms in a steady tempo. They have little or no music knowledge, and are often found playing the same 6 songs over and over. If you room with this kid you better be ready for some Dashboard.

Check back for the second installment...

10... 9... 8...

2007-12-30T23:48:00.001-05:00

The countdown to the New Year is upon us. As a child, staying awake long enough to count down the New Year seemed like a rite of passage. Even when I got older there was something charming about clichéd resolutions and the guise of a ‘fresh start’. Now an excuse to party, this day is for consuming alcohol while counting down to the precise second our calendar year changes numbers by one.

This year I am excited to spend the event in the city. Umphrey’s McGee is playing a New Year’s show at the Aragon Ballroom. They are extremely talented musicians who excel at playing live shows. It is truly rare to find a band that is better on the stage than they are in the studio. Most bands today have average talent. Their CDs are layered with so many tracks that took multiple takes to get that polished sound, and when you see them live they can never match how good they sound in a studio.

Umphrey’s is the opposite. Their live shows have such energy no microphone could transduce it. The musicianship and talent of this band is on another level. They play so tight together you would think there’s a giant metronome in the background. The improve jams would take most players months to learn, and the guitar solos shred faces extra fine.

Skeptical? Check out their free podcasts @ www.umphreys.com They post a lot of their live shows for free because they are actually about the music and hope people will like it enough to come check them out. Enjoy your New Years. Many rants thus far have gone un-ranted. They are however half-finished waiting patiently in a discrete file. But until next year….

Natural Male Enhancement

2007-11-08T02:23:00.001-05:00

Many products now advertise on TV promising natural male enhancement. This leads me to believe there is indeed a market for this product, and enough of a market for multiple brands to compete. This is indeed a sad day for men. Not so much due to male insecurities, after all many women get breast augmentations. I am more shocked by the stupidity, or perhaps desperation from these consumers.

Let us consider the product in general. Natural male enhancement? Exactly what is natural about taking a synthesized pill that causes a specific muscle to grow? So let me get this straight, I can take a pill that is all natural for the desired effects? Well then why not just eat more vitamins and minerals rich in enhancement? Also, what is natural about enhancement? Tumors are natural enhancement, swollen bruises are natural enhancement.

Also, if muscle growth is so easy, why are there not multiple products to give me large biceps, triceps, pecs, abs, delts, lats, calfs, hams, gluts, eye lids, lips, hair, taint, the webbing between my toes, and any other aspect of my body? As far as I am concerned natural male enhancement comes from spending hours in a gym while eating a diet high in protein and calories to outweigh what you burn. Perhaps Jack Black was onto something with his push-ups. After all, one is all you need.

I think if a guy is dumb enough to believe that taking a pill to make a specific part of his body larger is a good idea, then he deserves a small penis. This could be nature’s way of limiting the brainless their capacity to reproduce. Maybe they are more unfortunately endowed than I realize and are desperate enough to want to believe that a pill can make them a bigger man. But what happened to the old remedies? Be a police officer. Compensate with a luxurious car. Watch more ESPN than your friends and pwn them in sports knowledge. Finally, spend your life in the gym sculpting every muscle in your body you CAN control the size of.

Time as a Force

2007-10-19T18:58:00.001-04:00

I find philosophy on space and time very interesting. I enjoy the abstract wondering about a reality we experience, but ultimately fail to understand. It is possible the pondering of such issues reflect mans internal struggle to understand reality, ultimately a quest to understand ourselves. Metaphysical questions concerning the soul, the mind-body relationship, and space-time all reflect a curiosity of the world around us and our place in it.

What is time?

In general, time refers to a measurement of change. To question time is to question change, and then speculate on exactly what it is that we are measuring. To question why there is change is rather futile do to our limited capacity to understand reality around us, but to refine our idea of time is at least an attempt to paint a picture of the reality around us.

Common concepts of time appear short-sighted to me. People presuppose (take for granted) time does indeed exist as an entity or dimension of reality. Some think of time as a fourth dimension complementing space. Space is thought of as a vessel of three dimensions that contain all matter. Without the dimension of time all matter would be fixed in space. This would represent a Polaroid of space because without time, change would not be possible. (This is assuming one identifies time as the cause of change) So time then acts on space to either cause or allow change. From this comes the idea of the flow of time, where time moves in a consistent and linear rate.

What I propose is one should first identify the possible causes for change. On the atomic level one can look to the fundamental forces of nature as the cause of change. Gravity, magnetic, strong and weak forces govern atoms and molecules, and also allow for interactions. On the sub-atomic level one examines particles and uses quantum mechanics, but I have no concept of how quarks and gluons work inside sub-atomic particles. Please don’t hold this against me.

What I wonder is that if fundamental forces allow change on the atomic level, then it would make sense for more complex objects to change as well. This would indicate that it is possible time as a flowing entity is an illusion, and that time is merely changes made possible do to the fundamental forces of nature. But there are still many problems with this theory, and it raises further questions. Perhaps even ones that bring time as a reality back into the discussion.

One could further develop the concept of time as the most fundamental force in nature. Time is the force exerted on the smallest particles that cause or allows them to change. This makes it possible for the larger atomic structures to change due to the fundamental forces of nature. Perhaps then time is in essence the laws of physics that cause change to the matter in space. Time must be constantly exerted to preserve change.

By now the answer to the question should be quite obvious. The answer is (C).

Bad News Bears

2007-10-12T12:24:00.000-04:00

Sunday afternoon the Bears host the Vikings in a pivotal division showdown. The Bears have the opportunity to post an even 3-3 record with a win at home. The Vikings however, face a 1-4 start with a loss in Chicago. The Vikings have lost three straight, but will see the return of QB Tarvaris Jackson after sitting for two weeks due to a pulled groin muscle.

The Bears are coming off of a win in Lambeau handing Green Bay the first loss of their season while returning several defensive starters who produced some game saving turnovers. The Bears offense is still addicted to three-and-outs but found some production late in the game using their tight ends. Benson was given 27 carries but only ran for 64 yards, and faces a tough challenge Sunday against the best run D in the league.

The Vikings did lose DE Darrion Scott for the year which may give Benson some daylight, but the Vikings have rookie sensation Adrian Peterson on the other side of the ball. Last week the Bears surrendered over 100 yards to the worst rushing O in the league. The first half alone they gave up more yards on the ground than they had all game.

This game looks to be an interesting matchup and a defensive minded game. The struggling Bears run O is facing its toughest challenge of the year and will have to look to Griese to convert on third down. The Vikings will look to establish the run against a D that held LT and LJ to under 100 yards combined! Jackson is not yet named the starter for the Vikings, but is an athletic QB who can make plays with his feet. The Bears D line has had success disrupting the QB and causing turnovers.

Special teams and turnovers may very well decide this game if both teams can avoid the big play down the field (or in the return game...23). The Bears own the best record for field position in the league, but have put it to poor use with three-and-outs. Griese is becoming more comfortable with the offense and avoided the costly turnover that lost Grossman his job. The Vikings are well rested and their backs are to the wall. A loss in Chicago could very well end their season.

I predict the Bears run game will be unproductive as usual, but Griese will slowly get his rhythm to make some plays. The return game will give Chicago a hand with good field position. The Vikings will struggle on offense trying to find rhythm and look to run the ball early and often. The Bears will force a costly turnover and slowly inch out the Vikings. Score: Bears 20 – Vikings 13

Lucid Dreams

2007-10-04T11:19:00.000-04:00

Since high school I have been interested in the phenomenon known as lucid dreams. A lucid dream is where one is conscious of the fact they are dreaming, and can control or influence what happens. In my experience the first step to accomplish this is to recall dreams after waking up. When I wake-up in the morning I can usually remember my dreams very well. I usually accomplish this by reviewing the story as soon as I wake up. I can usually remember the scene, characters, my emotional state, what was happening, the rapid change of events, and so on. If however I wait 10 or so minutes I will hardly be able to recall anything. Sometimes however hours later in the day I may see someone who was in the dream and remember a little more. Doing this for some time now I have become aware and good at remembering my dreams.

One problem with people not remembering their dreams is that they wake up at the end of their sleep cycle naturally. Interestingly my body clock is strange in the fact that I can usually wake up about ten minutes before my alarm. If I get a full 8 or so hours of sleep I can look at the clock and take note of the time I am going to bed. If I am on a consistent schedule I can then usually wake up minutes before my alarm, perhaps because I hated the sound of my old alarm? I then began to set my alarm an hour before I wanted to wake up, and would rely on the snooze every 10 minutes for about an hour. When I did this I found that I would be woken up every 10 minutes with a new dream to recall, usually a dream that morphed from a previous one. I also noticed there was a small amount of time for me to wake up, hit my snooze in a half-sleep daze, and lose consciousness. During this time as I closed my eyes I could still visualize the dream, but from a different perspective. It was more like daydreaming, but extremely real and vivid. It was not as real as a dream however because I was not a part of it, more of an observer. I would see the images, and events would start happening as I was laying there completely aware I was in my bed. This may be because as I was falling asleep my brain was aware of its surroundings due to the noise in the house and the sense of touch and smell that had not become completely shut down as I was falling back asleep. So I was part conscious as I began sleeping again.

Sometimes I would be able to control the dream until I fell completely asleep again, and would wake up with another normal vivid dream, but other times I would wake up and realize I had controlled my dream. Interestingly I do not always act as myself when I am in control, and I can also be downright irrational.

Examples: I was at Hilton Head Island at a resort (I went to HH for spring break) with a few people I knew. We were walking through a courtyard going to a beach when my alarm woke me up briefly and I quickly shut it off. I closed my eyes and my body felt very tired and comfortable as I stretched a little and began daydreaming very vividly. Then I remembered what I was dreaming about and began to revisit the scene. As I began to dream again I said to myself this is a dream, and when I lost consciousness finally the daydream went back into the original dream. Instead of knowing I had woken up I thought I was on my cell briefly, but I was still aware I was dreaming. I then remembered a favorite dream of mine where I could fly, so I began to fly above the pool to prove it, as if flying above the ground was not enough. I then became very irrational, trying to convince my friend she was dreaming as well, and I thought she would remember this dream when she woke up. I then tried to convince her she could fly and we should call each other tomorrow about being able to fly in our dream. Somehow we were in a bar and I was backstage with my guitar suddenly, and on stage I played an amazing guitar solo. I then woke up to my alarm again. When I woke up I was excited I controlled my dream but found it odd I assumed my friend was literally in the dream and would remember it as well. After recalling my dream I tried to remember how the guitar solo sounded because in the dream it was amazing, but I had no luck.

Apparently this type of dream is called a wake-initiated lucid dream. I have read other accounts of similar situations and wonder if this is a skill that could be refined. If that were the case, imagine if we could develop our brains to control our dreams every night, and wake up and remember it. It would be like an amazing super vacation every night where you could do whatever you want.

Week 1 review, Week 2 prediction

2007-09-13T23:04:00.000-04:00

Week one of the NFL season has passed, and fans got their first taste of the look and feel of their new teams. Da Bears start the season with a 0-1 record losing their first game to the Chargers. The offense had trouble keeping possession of the ball with three turnovers and the defense lost two starters for the rest of the season. Setbacks aside, the Bears defense held the electrifying LT to a mere 25 rushing yards, and the NFLs best offense was only able to score 14 points off two turnovers late in the game.

The season is long and arduous riddled with injuries and setbacks, but the Bears were able to overcome this last year and still march to the Super Bowl. The first goal is to win the division, and the Bears will try to get back on the right track with their home opener against the Chiefs this Sunday. The Chiefs had offensive trouble of their own scoring 3 points against the Texans, and face a Bears defense that looks as good as they ever did. The Chiefs own website describes themselves as ‘a poor man’s Bears. A very poor man’s Bears.’ My prediction for this game is Bears 27 – Chiefs 10. Let’s hope the Bears can hang onto the ball; if so this score is easily attainable.

Ron Paul Quotes

2007-08-18T06:59:00.000-04:00

I thought of a new way to try and raise Ron Paul awareness. Feel free to spread these Chuck Norris style quotes I made in hopes to entertain people enough to check out this candidate.

Ron Paul has delivered every American… Ever. Including himself.

It was actually Ron Paul who warned that the Redcoats were coming.

Ron Paul’s chief export is freedom.

Ron Paul’s running mate is Bill Rights.

Ron Paul delivered all of Mitt Romney’s wives.

Rudolf Giuliani is not aware of who Ron Paul is, but to be fair Ron Paul is not related to 9/11. Kinda like Iraq… Saddam… you know?

Ron Paul was born from a bald eagle eating an apple pie.

Ron Paul illegally wire-tapped the constitution to get his campaign ideas.

Ron Paul returns punts in the NFL under the alias Devin Hester.

Ron Paul played V in V for Vendetta.

Ron Paul eats liberty for breakfast and washes it down with peace.

Ron Paul is the only GOP candidate who has looked up the meaning of the word conservative.

Ron Paul’s freedom was made in America. The other candidates have clearly used the Chinese brand, explaining their obvious brain damage from lead poisoning.

Ron Paul would end the drug war and balance the budget by investing in Doritos.

Ron Paul is actually required to bus out supporters from straw polls to even the playing field.

Inbox to the Internet

2007-08-16T12:10:00.001-04:00

Greetings internets. Want to improve the efficiency of your daily surfing? Google Reader can help. Register for Google Reader and you log into a page much like an e-mail account. Subscribe to your favorite websites through GR and updates will appear in your inbox when your subscriptions create new posts. GR allows you to sift through the headlines of recent updates from all your favorite blogs and websites at once. This puts my daily surfing of NFL news including Chicagobears.com, ESPN NFL, and NFL.com in one convenient inbox.

Google Reader is an idea that developed out of the growing popularity of RSS feeds. RSS feeds are updated web content for users who wish to subscribe which provide a convenient way to stay informed while protecting privacy by not having to sign up for e-newsletters. RSS feeds require software called feed readers to be viewed. Google Reader is a web-based feed reader allowing the software to run from a web browser, rather than your desktop. I recommend it for anyone who keeps in touch with their favorite websites daily.

Ron Paul

2007-07-28T06:13:00.000-04:00

This post is an attempt to spread awareness of the Ron Paul 2008 presidential campaign. Congressman Ron Paul is an independent Republican from the 14th district of Texas. Ron Paul serves on the basis of being a constitutionalist where he never approves legislation unless the proposed measure is expressly authorized by the Constitution. He is also known for his consistent voting record on this foundation.

I find it intrusive to attempt to sell a political candidate to others. In the previous election I remember others aggressively telling me why I needed to like Bush more than Gore. I was put off more than I was educated in these situations and wish to avoid this mistake. I believe Congressman Paul’s ideology speaks for itself and urge anyone interested in the 2008 presidential race to consider Dr. Paul’s philosophy as they make their own choices. Here are a few reasons I support Ron Paul.

I discovered Ron Paul on YouTube watching videos of his speeches. The main belief I share with Dr. Paul is that the federal government has reduced America to being overregulated and overtaxed by bureaucrats. The government is wasteful with hard-working American money, while at the same time overspending and giving my generation the debt. Ron Paul would work to transition the government to reduce its overregulation which spends millions of dollars on departments that accomplish little. Dr. Paul believes if the politicians actually adhere to their oath to uphold the constitution the problems of America can be addressed.

If you have the time please visit www.ronpaul2008.com and check out the videos on his website to gain a better understanding of what he represents.

Warning Disclosure

2007-07-26T07:54:00.000-04:00

Warning Disclosure:
The following content is listed as a schedule I drug by the DEA for its high potential for abuse and chemical addiction. All following content is the intellectual property of the Drug Corp Timosil. It is recommended that those with a heart condition, hysterical pregnancy, shingles, beaver fever, or those who take themselves too seriously avoid the following content.

Side effects may include: dry mouth, blurred vision, drowsiness, dizziness, tremors, déjà vu, hair loss, weight gain, weight loss, male pregnancy, oily bowels, cankles, skin failure, lazy eye, explosive diarrhea, projectile vomiting, déjà vu, and reefer madness. By reading the following the individual surrenders all rights to bring action in a court of law against the property holder.

The Rant… coming soon. If you have ever thought to yourself, ‘I would love to casually skim through the random thoughts of a young adult with no expertise or significant amount of knowledge in any area he rants about.’ then this is the right place for you. I invite you to procrastinate on whatever it is you should be doing right now to enjoy the unfounded premises of misguided conclusions on the many things that I feel necessary to rant about.